Growing up poor is a character builder. There is a lot of trauma around poverty that I am still working through today. The effects of not having enough, always being short, and the frequency of hearing the word “no” are deep and painful. This is especially true in a capitalistic society where we have been conditioned to conflate our own worthiness and competency with how much we have in our bank account. Poverty breeds fear, shame, guilt, and as studies show even mental illness. It is manufactured in our society and robs us of our basic human rights to live full, joyful and authentic lives on a planet that is naturally abundant. 

That said, this is not the point of this article. This article is going to look at the gifts growing up poor and in the hood gave me. The perspective, the community, and the sense of purpose. They tell us we’re poor and have nothing to offer, but really we are wealthy in so many ways - ways that will be our saving grace in the new era that’s coming.

I could actually write a very long list of what I’ve gained from being poor. I didn’t realize this until I intentionally took time to reflect on it - a privilege of no longer living in poverty. 

While I still wrestle with trauma responses when my income fluctuates, I realized I am mostly adaptable. Growing up poor meant we had to figure. it. out. I became resourceful. Creative. I can problem solve WELL because I had to. As my income increased I found myself becoming more and more reliant on being sold things. As we enter this era of unlearning consumerism, it is the lessons I learned from poverty that help me disconnect from the machine. I find myself making things more instead of buying them. Do I need to spend $40 on a natural fabric freshener for the couch or can I make one using ingredients in our home that cost less than $8? The second one was my winner - shout out to vinegar, alcohol, water, peppermint oil and salt.

In July we were called to boycott major companies who exploit us for labor and money. This was mostly easily until my audible subscription came into the equation. But my audiobook library! What ever would I do? I downloaded the Libby app to see what was at my local library and what I may buy directly from the authors. The library used to be the only place I could really access books in my youth. It was good enough then and it was good enough now. 

These were definitely privileged people problems so let’s talk about the scarier stuff.  As I wrapped up law school my loan money was thinning, I had no paying job (public interest girlie), and my little bit of income was just enough to cover my rent and bills. Not to mention I had a whole other human and two cats relying on me! My rent was late almost every month, so were my bills, and there were some serious moments when I had to really scrape to put dinner on the table. I was battling intense PTSD symptoms at this time too - flashbacks, night terrors, depression, anxiety, paranoia - the whole enchilada. I was straight up not having a good time. However, this is where one of my most important lessons came into play. Leaning on community.

Western culture and capitalism teach us that we are alone. That other creatures are competition. You have to never let anyone see you sweat. You have to do it all yourself and it better look effortless. It’s hard to live in America and to be in a field like law without buying into this. I was suffering alone and in silence while my depression mess and stress acne told my truth. Eventually I realized I had this powerful resource available to me: the love and support of my family and friends. I had trouble tapping into them but I began to ask for help. No money to wash laundry at my apartment plus I was too fucking depressed to even try, so I started to wash large batches weekly at my grandmas house nearby. Not only did that mean help with laundry but going to see my family reminded me that I wasn’t as isolated as I frequently felt in my apartment. I could eat good food and talk to them which nourished my soul. Friends and sisters helped me wash my dishes when the built up. Helped me with child care and feeding my cats. We let each other borrow money when needed. We gave each other rides and spotted each other on nights out. My boyfriend (now husband) helped me pay for my bar exam costs so I could take this test that I worked so hard to finally be eligible for. Friends gifted me bar prep materials so I could study. Where I am now was very made possible by the support and care of those around me.

I will highlight that there is a common thread in these experiences of inconvenience at times - taking time away from ourselves to show up for others. Inconvenience is the price of community, but you get bang for your buck. 

This was community at work in my family and friend context but it extended beyond that into our neighborhoods. It’s the neighbor mechanic who cuts you a deal to fix your car. It’s giving our unhoused neighbors food, clothes, and recyclables to turn in for cash. It’s the way we feed the stray animals that cross our paths. It's the teachers that offer free workshops. The healers that offer payment arrangements or accessible service options. It’s giving what we can afford to give and receiving what we need in return. You learn this when you grow up poor. For those of us who “make it out” it’s frequently not just for our own benefit. It’s for the community. It means more income to our families, it means spreading knowledge to our neighbors, it’s a new skill set that the whole gets to benefit from. 

As we watch terrible things unfold in our nation and abroad, I am relieved to see people finally waking up to the power of community. To the lie that individualism teaches us. It’s okay to need help. It’s not just okay, it’s nature. Interconnectedness is the essence of the universe. Look at the food chain and every natural cycle we know. No one organism is doing it all alone. 

Living without resources isn’t something I would wish for anyone. There is more than enough in our world for everyone’s needs to be met if our systems allowed it. However, I am grateful for the gifts that poverty gave me. The memories, the skills, the GREAT sense of humor. I am grateful to find joy from small things and purpose through my hardships. If you know poverty you carry your own gifts and wisdom too from that experience. They may be the exact things you need to transform your life experience and connection to the world around you. 

Prompts: 

1. What magical gifts might you find if you disconnect from shame around poverty and connect to curiosity? 

2. How did your hardships make you better? More resilient? More crafty? 

3. What did you learn and how can you apply that to your expansion? 

4. How have you been buying into capitalism and individualism? 

5. In what small ways can you redirect your energy from consumerism to community based exchange? From individualism to collective consciousness?

6. Reflect on these questions and look at your life as though everything - event the shitty stuff - was offering you something. I bet you’ll come up with something illuminating. 

See you on the other side.